Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
