Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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