Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
