I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
