I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
