I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize