he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
