The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
