I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
