I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
All I want is dick and wine.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
