I can tuck mytits in my pants
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
