4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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