New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
