It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i drank out of a bidet.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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