just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
