U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
