I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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