wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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