i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
