we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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