I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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