Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
