umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
