I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
