i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
