I got chris browned last night
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
