I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
