I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
