my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I will pee on everything he values.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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