Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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