there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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