i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
