then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
