I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
