Do you still have your period?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
