I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
