Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
