i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
