Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
