Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
