sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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