If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
