it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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