the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
