wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
