I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
