They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
