Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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