After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
