Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
