dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
