Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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