Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
