He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
