If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
