so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
