Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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