There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize