But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
