just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
