i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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