found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
