I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
