don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
