So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
