well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
